Chapter 1 – Loosing my nerve

As you might have noticed, my blog title format changed a little bit.

It didn’t seem fitting anymore to title my blogs per week. It is becoming pretty obvious I am not blogging weekly anymore.

However, this week I am blogging twice!

Basically, I just couldn’t wait to tell you all about my experience at uni ballet.

Well, for starters it was really weird going back. Have you ever gone back to your old high school, for example, and realise that everything is familiar but you don’t fit anymore?

There were so many familiar faces, but I didn’t know how to react to them. I was never particularly social in the class and I never made „friends“, so maybe that is why. I kind of felt like some people were wondering if they knew me from somewhere.

I greeted the teacher (and I narrowly avoided a „do we hug or not?“ kind of situation).

Now, when I attended this class last time it was a beginner class. Now it is labelled as an intermediate class. I just assumed for some reason it would still be like a beginner class..

Another thing I wasn’t expecting was the return of someone who, for some reason, really intimidates me.

Very very long time readers of my blog might remember her from this post. I also saw her again at a different studio, but I can’t seem to find the post on it (did I make one?)

I don’t know why this girl intimidates me so much. Maybe it’s her ice princess stare? Maybe it’s the fact I tried to talk to her once and she gave me a closed response? Maybe it’s all in my head?

Anyway, whatever the reason, I wasn’t too happy to see her in class.

The guy she used to come to class with wasn’t there, but she was with someone else. He was really good.

The class was a lot harder than I remembered. It definitely wasn’t beginner.

I was also having trouble figuring out the combinations. Not because of the difficulty, but more because she was demonstrating the opposite side to me and she was using a chair as a barre.

She always used to demonstrate like this, so I have no idea what was wrong with me.

Then we moved to centre. This is where I went weird.

I felt really slow and self conscious. At one point she wanted us to split into two groups for the adagio. I didn’t go with either group.

Than we moved to the diagonal. There were two grande allegro type exercises…and I didn’t do either.

Even though the majority of the students in the class are at a similar level to me, I felt too intimidated.

I thought about the combinations I missed later that evening and after practicing them in my head, I decided that I should be ok to try them next week.

I do have a question though..

How do you feel about „show offs“ in class?

I could be completely judging this guy totally wrong, but that one guy I mentioned as being really good kept changing combinations.

He put beats in everywhere, as well as a bunch of tours en l’air.

He is obviously a good dancer and was obviously too good for the class.

For some reason it kind of annoyed me.

I mean, maybe he knows the combinations are too easy for him and he is just adding things in to make them more challenging. However, something about it put me off.

I am all for taking an easier class to concentrate on the basics. However, if you then change the combinations to make them harder, doesn’t that defeat the point?

Maybe it is just my jealously rearing its ugly head?

Maybe I am meant to look up to him?

I know, I know, I need to concentrate on myself and not compare myself to others. That seems to be a big issue for me.

But, while I am talking about it, I also noticed that some of the other students had improved quite a bit.

One of the guys is pretty amazing now. Though he did mention his mum is a ballet teacher, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Even that guy who was all over the place is managing to hold some pretty nice balances.

At the end of class I signed up to continue class next semester. I just hope I grow some balls (and that that girl finishes her degree and doesn’t come back :P).

So, all in all, it wasn’t exactly the welcome home I expected…but it can only go up from here, right?

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2 Gedanken zu “Chapter 1 – Loosing my nerve

  1. „I know, I know, I need to concentrate on myself and not compare myself to others.“
    You got it! 🙂 I’ve had more advanced people in class from time to time and it’s fine for them to do things differently. Most will feel just as awkward attending a class that is too easy. And that girl could just have resting bitch face and be socially awkward. Even if she isn’t, try to ignore her and chat to some of the nicer people in class. It helps not to feel so alone (and I’m also quite awkward around people, so I know it’s hard.) I’m sure you’ll fit in just fine once you’ve been to class a couple of times. Good luck!

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. I know, you’re right. For some reason though I find it difficult with this girl. I think because she laughs as people do the combinations. Maybe she’s not laughing at them, but that puts me off.

      I’ve danced with advanced people before and I have admired them and they have inspired me. I just don’t get the same feeling with this girl.

      Thanks for your advice, i’ll do my best to stay focused 🙂

      Gefällt 1 Person

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