It was really hard for me to find my motivation this week.
I think I really have the winter blues.
It might be the fact that I have gone back to uni to do my masters, 7 years after my bachelor. I feel like I am doubting everything.
I turn 30 this year and I don’t have anything really figured out. I chose a really hard industry to get into, and this will be my last go at getting into it. If I finish this degree and I still don’t find anything in my industry… then I have to think about changing direction.
Thinking about all this made me feel so anxious to the point of being physically sick.
I know I should count my blessings, I am extremely fortunate. But, I just got really inside my head this week.
So, I didn’t go to uni ballet class this week.
I did go to my RAD classes on Thursday, though. Even though the discovery of a WWII bomb in the area almost prevented me from getting there.
This time I didn’t wear my demi pointes.
Some things in class were a lot easier, like balances where I have to find my centre quick. But some things were harder. I wobbled a lot. I guess I just got used to the larger demi pointe surface.
We are hopefully going to be getting new leotards for the class next week and I am so excited!!
I feel like a lump in our current leotard. It is made from cotton and makes my body look so one dimensional.
It looks good on the 14 year olds that are stick thin.
Lets hope the next one is more appealing. I wish it had high leg lines, but I don’t think the teens in the class would go for that.
I felt pretty weak in class this week. I have been messing up my eschappé battus for at least the last 8 months. I remember when I first learned them they were so easy. I was shocked at how easy this beat was. Now it just doesn’t happen. I feel like I try to move my legs apart before they are allowed to beat. I am not letting them ricochet off each other.
It is something I need to work on, but my stamina is just non existent for practicing jumps over and over again.
But, in contrast, I felt really strong practicing pointe at home. I have been focusing on my eschppés because they are pretty much the only thing in the exams.
So, I don’t know. Some days i’m strong, other days i’m weak…..
I am hoping to be in a better headspace next week and try out a new class on Monday.
Hope you all had a good week!